I saw friend-of-the-site McClain post this here chart thingy for talking about videogames…
And I talk about videogames all the time! So I got in on the action over at my Bluesky account. Now I am reproducing my answers here on my blog. Social media is ephemeral, park your data, kiddies. Also, it gave me an excuse to play a lot of great games to capture screenshots. Yay! Everybody wins!
#1: First Videogame
Combat!
Dig Dug was the first game I ever remember seeing, Super Mario Bros. was the first time I was impressed (and I may have tackled a neighbor for his controller). But Combat is the first game I remember playing-playing with my grandfather. It wins (in multiple ways).
#2 Most Hours in Game
Pokémon Go
I hate that the answer is Pokémon Go. I have literally played this game every day since 2019 in some fashion or another. Every day. Sometimes it is just enough to catch a ‘mon and move on. Sometimes it is a three-hour community day. But it has added up over the years.
#3 Hardest Boss Fight
Shinobi (PS2)
This answer probably changes depending on what I remember, but I was just talking about kunai times right before seeing the question. I friggen’ hate that wizard-ninja-dude, and how it took me literal days to beat the game. A situation where giving up may have enriched my life. I’m not certain I even remember what the ending of Shinobi looks like…
#4 Currently Playing
Persona 5 Royal
So a couple of games came out in Spring of 2020 when the ‘rona first kicked into gear, and I could not focus on long-term gaming at the time. Trials of Mana 3D was one of them, and I just got back to that for the Even Worse Streams Mana run. So now I am aiming for the last of COVID’s contemporaries: Persona 5 Royal.
#5 Game that deserves a Remake
Xenosaga Trilogy
My greatest, most impossible desire is that Monolith Soft gets to remake the Xenosaga trilogy, streamlines the gameplay and presentation across the three separate games, and, while wishes are horses here, they hire me to voice Dark Professor.
#6 Best World Building
NieR
The NieR world is one where humanity was faced with a desperate situation, leaders made a choice they thought would work, and then it didn’t. They failed overtly and completely. Over and over and over again. But something recognizably human persisted over centuries and multiple apocalypses. Always been a fan.
#7 Favorite Multi-player or MMO
Mario Kart Double Dash
The perfect conflux of disposable income, available friends, and spare time was my early college years. With that in mind, I will always say Mario Kart: Double Dash!! is the most fun a group of people can have on a couch.
#8 Favorite Protagonist
Virginia Maxwell / Wild Arms 3
I gave this answer on a meme before the Let’s Play, and it is still Virginia Maxwell of Wild Arms 3. She is the platonic ideal of an RPG protagonist: she is adept, but just starting out. She has deep, unknown-to-her ties to the world at large. She has a clear, but not invasive, romantic interest. She dual wields. And, special bonus, she actually likes adventuring.
#9 Favorite Antagonist
Xehanort / Kingdom Hearts
It’s Ansem (née Xehanort). If you are going to have a villain, you may as well have a villain that has a comprehensive, 100-year plan to make himself into 13 different people that are somehow all him, so he can make a magic sword that will defeat all hugging. Then fail.
#10 Underrated Game
Hebereke
I’m just going to go backwards on the FGC until I see… Oh! Hebereke! I didn’t play this until 2024, but I’m willing to say it is the best 8-bit Metroidvania out there. And I have barely ever heard it mentioned! This should be a lot more rated!
#11 Comfort Game
Gitaroo Man
Gitaroo Man is definitely my go-to for “I just want to play something I’ll enjoy.” Maybe this could be released on a modern system? Please?
#12 Most Annoying Character
Ringabel / Bravely Default
Naming Ringabel of Bravely Default, but my answer is technically any star of an ensemble that is a horrible lech that never stops perving, and thus colors the tone of the entire thing. It’s a good game! Just completely ignore this guy that is 25% of your party forever! See also: that one dude in every Persona cast.
#13 Best Voice Acting
Super Mario 64
I know this prompt wants me to choose some modern RPG masterpiece, but literally nothing has beaten Super Mario 64 for sheer cultural impact. Is it possible for anyone to say “It’s me” without adding a bonus syllable?
#14 Favorite Class or Fighting Style
Chemist / Final Fantasy Franchise
I hate crafting systems and how they bloat out game inventories, but I love Chemist/Alchemist style jobs where you randomly !MIX items until something fun comes out. Turtle Shell + Potion = Transform into a pig? Sure!
#15 Overrated Game
Solitaire
I do not understand why Solitaire is the game practically synonymous with PCs. Even back in the late 90’s, you could play a card game, or go on the entire internet. Or at least play Minesweeper! Why are we still bothering with this analogue nonsense!? This is the one game you could play at your desk without a computer. Space Cadet 3D was robbed.
#16 Best Plot Twist
Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem
In Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem, Maximillian Roivas of 1760 is presented as a decent guy that was falsely locked in an asylum three months after encountering Horrors. It is revealed chapters later that he paranoically slaughtered everyone in the house. So he was, ya know, *murderously* insane. And don’t go telling me he was right about at least one malevolent butler. In this political climate, I do not want to set down the precedent that my boss can flintlock me in my sleep if I might be a Bonethief.
#17 Favorite Cinematic
Final Fantasy 8
Final Fantasy 8 is the definitive answer, specifically the Eyes on Me montage. No follow-up questions.
#18 Worst Mini Game
Beavis & Butt-Head
As a Breath of Fire veteran, I hate every fishing minigame that ever was. But! I hate the Beavis & Butt-Head (Genesis) Couch Fishing minigame most of all, as it is terrible to control, obtuse in its goals, and is so poorly implemented, you might not even know it exists. Yes, it is 100% required to beat the game. And, yes, you will 100% die if you use the wrong bait.
#19 Favorite Game Mechanic
Double Jump / All Good Games
Ah, the noble Double Jump. Is there anything less rooted in reality, yet more wholly useful than “jump, but then, like, jump again”? I say thee nay.
#20 Easiest Final Boss Fight
Gamma / Mega Man 3
Gamma is a giant peace-keeping robot that cannot even fit on the screen! He might take over the world, because he has been commandeered by the nefarious Dr. Wily! The only thing that can stop this menace is… a single spinning top?
#21 Best Character Customization
SoulCalibur VI
A tale of souls and swords is my current winner. There are theoretically better options in RPGs and alike, but SoulCalibur‘s fighting gameplay means I can test drive my creations for a couple of rounds inside of two seconds. Skyrim got me starting a whole new save file. Runner-up points go to Saints Row III and IV for similarly allowing infinite malleability.
#22 Favorite In-Game Quote
Final Fantasy 6
Oh no what is my high school yearbook doing here!?
And for anyone claiming that this conflicts with my earlier hate of “the lech” as a character type, I will note that I believe Edgar is pulling a Batman/Bruce Wayne for the entirety of Final Fantasy 6. It’s a thin line, but I am willing to believe this is all part of the persona he created to distract the empire. Also, it cannot be a coincidence that he has his own Matches Malone alias with Gerad.
#23 First Pre-Order
Nintendo 64
Not technically a game, but the Nintendo 64 system was the first “thing” I ever pre-ordered. I worked odd jobs all summer to pay for that preorder… And then found my $200 could not additionally afford a single cartridge. My grandmother took pity, and bought me Mario 64 at pickup. I then had to wait three days to go back to the store to buy an adapter that would let me hook it up to any of the RF televisions in my home.
#24 Best OST
Double Dragon Neon
I am deliberately limiting myself to games I have not named as best OST in the past, even going back to 1989… Oh! Double Dragon Neon! It is 2012 Jake Kaufman goodness, and includes “mini songs” that are still stuck in my head to this day. Oh! And the best ending song ever! Literally a great soundtrack from start to finish.
#25 Favorite Supporting or Side Character
Nall / Lunar Franchise
Nall of Lunar has a wonderful arc between two games as he grows from “chattering mascot” to “independent and cheerful but grieving” while still being the exact same dude/dragon throughout. Still thinking about the guy after over thirty years.
#26 Favorite Series
Mega Man
I thought about this for a while, and I have settled on Mega Man. After all, this is a franchise where I have jumped on every release since I was eight. And, unlike Final Fantasy or Castlevania (both contenders), the gameplay has been largely reliable/the same since 1987.
#27 Favorite Series-Exclusive Species
Tonberry / Final Fantasy Franchise
The humble tonberry only works in its native genre. The slow moving but menacing little dude that will instantly obliterate its opponents is comedy/RPG gold. And already by its 4th appearance, we had kings and summons and all sorts of species nonsense. Some notable Final Fantasy games get the poor thing wrong (it is supposed to be cute and unassuming, dammit!), but when Tonberry is done right, they are on.
#28 Favorite Genre
Action RPG
Overall, if you want me to actually play a new title on day one, it should be an action RPG. This “genre” contains games like Kingdom Hearts, Batman: Arkham City, Darksiders II, and Final Fantasy 15 (but not Final Fantasy 13, even though I love that RPG). Oh, have I mentioned yet today that I think trying to define games by genre is silly?
#29 Your Most Anticipated Game
Kingdom Hearts 4
I am not saying the franchise is unimpeachable, but every Kingdom Hearts game that has ever been released has been a Kingdom Hearts game. I can’t even say that about Mega Man! So Kingdom Hearts 4 of Hearts.
#30 Favorite Game Overall (per system)
????
…. Seriously? Per System? Do you know how many of those I have? We are putting a pin in that, and that is going to be another article all onto itself. Already hit a thousand words for the day, so in the meanwhile, we are attaching this chart to the previously established worst game ever…
FGC #698 Klondike Solitaire
System: Solitaire is available for every device that has ever been mouse-adjacent. We are focusing on Klondike Solitaire by Baltoro Minis/Baltoro Games because it happened to already be on my Switch. I think it was part of a bundle? I really cannot tell you where it came from. That seems appropriate.- Number of players: It would be weird if this was anything other than solitary.
- Maybe actually talk about the game for a second: I really don’t like Solitaire! So I don’t like this game! It is pleasant enough, and the background music is… uh… there. I guess it did not cause me any serious bodily harm. I feel I do not enjoy Solitaire because it is basically randomized counting, and I genuinely do not see the appeal of that. I can tally to ten, guys, I don’t need to add a whole other color into the mix to start calling it a game.
- What’s special about this version: There are hints! And they are mostly useless (the hints generally involve shuffling two piles of cards back and forth over similar suites), but you can always tell when you have a decent draw, as the “available hints” number increases by one when a useful card is revealed. Then it’s just a matter of remembering how numbers work! Again!
- Further complaints: I have never understood any Solitaire game with a “score”. That’s like scoring an essay, or a squirrel. These concepts are incompatible.
- So, did you beat it? Yes! I played this version of Solitaire until I finally drew a winning hand. On a related note, the google response on “can you win every game of solitaire” distinctly states that you cannot win every deal “regardless of the player’s skill.” I will never in my life acknowledge that one can have “skill” in Solitaire.
General Suggestion: Can we replace tarot readings with oracles challenging you to a game of Solitaire, and then they “read” your final layout? It could at least immediately reveal whether the mark is lazy. Or bad at math.- Goggle Bob Fact: My grandfather used to describe a dishonest man by using the phrase, “he seems like the kind of guy that would cheat at solitaire.” I think about that saying a lot with this administration.
- Did you know? I counted 68 games on the Nintendo Switch eShop after searching for “Solitaire”. There may have been a few expansions or Solitary Fighters in there, though. I don’t know if that makes it worse. And, yes, there was a Hentai Solitaire in that count.
- Would I play again: I have so many better options that are, ya know, actual games.
What’s next? Random ROB is outing how little he actually works by reading this article and choosing… Persona 5 Royal! Which I totally haven’t already been playing! I swear! Please look forward to it!