You may recall I had immediate and disparaging things to say about Mortal Kombat 1 when it was released last year. Now the new Mortal Kombat 1 DLC, Mortal Kombat 1: Khaos Bleeds Reigns, has been released. It includes three new playable characters and an entire story mode that lasts about 2-2.5 hours. We recorded it! You can watch it below all these words! Unfortunately, like Mortal Kombat 1, I cannot recommend the story mode, as it makes a lot of weird, momentum-murdering choices that are boring. It is not terrible! But it feels like a sitcom episode of Mortal Kombat where they are padding out the season. You might like it if you have a particular fondness for the characters involved, though! So here are some spoiler-y plot details if you don’t feel like watching the stream…
- Bi-Han Sub-Zero (not to be confused with his brother, Kuai Liang, who was the most consistent Sub-Zero in the old universe[s], but is Scorpion in this universe) is the focal character of the adventure. Unfortunately, he only really gets to shine in the finale, as he spends about 80% of the plot tied up in Bowser’s castle.
- Cyrax and Sektor are the complete newbies to MK1. They were male robot-cyborgs (it’s complicated) in previous MK games/universes, but now they are two women with Iron Man-esque armor sets. As in previous entries, they are Lin Kuei assassins, and they follow their familiar beats of either doubting/defecting (Cyrax), or being maniacally dedicated to assassination (Sektor). One of the few surprises in this plot is that the writers find a new reason for Sektor to be a zealot (smoochin’).
- The single coolest bit in this story is at the start, when Kuai Liang/Scorpion is getting married, and his brother’s (now) nefarious Lin Kuei clan raids the festivities with a ninja swarm. It’s like raining shuriken on your wedding day! Unfortunately, nothing comes of it other than the usual “a character learns that maybe the people that planned to murder a groom on his wedding day are the bad guys”. This Scorpion continues to not be an undead skeletal vengeance monster by virtue of not being murdered. His wife is fine, too!
From there, it is an extremely rote tale of Khaos Dimension invades, someone gets captured (it’s Bi-Han), and a rescue party is assembled to save the princess. Thus, nearly the entire MK1 kast is dropped for the Khaos Raiders, and we get The Adventures of Cyrax and Sektor. Scorpion also joins, but he is just there to watch the kids.- Noting for nobody in particular that Smoke barely appears in this story at all. This is unusual, as Smoke has always been strongly tied to Cyrax, Sektor, and Noob Saibot, the ostensible stars of this tale. And it’s not like there isn’t heavy ninja involvement!
- Nerd Alert: the Kamidogu talismans have been established in previous Mortal Kombat titles as the Infinity Gems of their universe. Further delineating the comparison, it is now confirmed that Kamidogu only work in their native universe. But! Havik comes up with the brilliant plan of stealing magic dust out of a universe’s Geras, fusing it with his Kamidogu, and then having a magical powerup that works in more than one timeline. This whole bit of nonsense is only an excuse for why Havik wastes a couple of days getting an invasion going, but it is a wonderful bit of geeky rule bending.
- In Khaos Dimension, the most frustrating thing happens: they meet a kharacter that is remotely interesting! For reasons that are not explained, Khaos Dimension has a World War 2-era Johnny Cage. It is inexplicable, there are no other “time travel” kharacters involved or even referenced, and… He’s just kind of there? It’s khaotic! That’s cool! Maybe they could have “khaos” versions of other kharacters that justify this whole endeavor with a few memorable costumes. Steam Punk Kitana! Caveman Reptile! A Nitara with a robot eye!
- But, nope, every other Khaos version of a known kharacter is just “what if they became the Joker“. There is a greater than average number of green mohawks. Haven’t seen this kind of representation since MoHawk & Headphone Jack.
- We get a little bit of a “new” kharacter in the form of a deposed monarch Khaos Rain and his empress, Khaos Tanya. If you like those kharacters, it is cool to see them in a wholly heroic role for a change. They are usually double agents in most MK stories. They don’t really get to do anything, but they are featured for a little bit.
A significant reason this story mode is annoying is that Khaos Cage, Khaos Rain, Khaos Tanya, Regular Cyrax, and Regular Sektor all spend way too long stuck in a magical labyrinth. This is a fighting game, MK writers! We know nothing exciting is going to happen in a labyrinth! We’re not going to get a Tomb Raider mini game, and literally nothing interesting can happen while the ostensible heroes are wandering around a maze with the main villain outside the maze. This is Khaos Dimension! These guys could be trapped in their worst nightmares or a country where hamburgers eat people! Get creative! “Maze with traps” is some 1987 shit!- Orin the Dragon shows up. He was the dragon that introduced the plot of Mortal Kombat 6. He is one of the random dragon critters in the Mortal Kombat universe that maybe canonically inspired the dragon logo for the franchise (which appears on in-universe paraphernalia, like the MK championship belt). Like In Mortal Kombat 6, he does jack all.
- Eventually, it comes down to a battle between the freed Bi-Han (now Noob Saibot) and Havik, ruler of Khaos, who has acquired all the Khaos Emeralds. Bi-Han still wins, though, because no one has ever considered Havik a threat. Liu Kang didn’t even have to get off his butt this time! That’s a plot point!
- This is Liu Kang’s Wiener Universe, so Bi-Han is then sealed in a Sleeping Beauty casket until which point he can be revived at normal ice power levels. Even khaos-demon-ghost-ninja in this universe can’t have fun randomly murdering townsfolk or brothers or whatever khaos-demon-ghost-ninja normally get up to.
This Mortal Kombat 1 Story DLC was disappointing. But after Mortal Kombat 1, it is expected. It is an unquestionable good that the MK universe continues to “yes, and” the most ridiculous plot points (there are entire universes created and ruled by d-tier MK kharacters now, and it is great to visit one. Looking forward to Kabal-verse next), but the execution has been lacking for two stories in a row.
Let us pray for a speedy recovery for Bi-Han and his writers.
Even Worse Streams Presents Mortal Kombat 1: Khaos Reigns
September 24, 2024
Random Notes:
- We are starting with Chromes, Jeanie, Cassandralyn, and myself all looking at Mortal Kombat kharacters. Gotta know your kast!
- Chromes admits to being able to transform into a bear after a couple of years. Or maybe beers.
- We finally get going (we started early) with a quick fight between Homelander and Peacemaker. We also get a brief cameo from fanboymaster, who is annoyed by our lack of ninja.
- Let’s start story mode! Congratulations to Cyrax on her transition.
- “It’s not a bit, I just say words weird!”
As the ninja wedding of the century beings, Megan Fox is judged as “generic”.- Ample Vigour joins just as we discuss the intricacies of Sexy Retired Janitor.
- “Why don’t you go out of the house and hawk tua real girl for a change!”
- GI Jonny Cage shows up just in time for us to examine Gillian Anderson lore.
- Ample Vigour declares “this game is ass” as he leaves Emperor Rain for greener pastures.
- Jeanie notes “you get stuck in a maze in a fighting game, you get MK Mythologies”. Scary!
- As we battle through Maze Hunter variants, Jeanie and I compare Mortal Kombat 9 final boss horror stories.
- Caliscrub joins and tries not to invite the wrath of Ed Boon.
- “Oh? His name is actually Noob? Okay.”
- This was the night the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder’s Revenge DLC released. Go Mondo Gecko!
- I mentioned earlier in the stream that MK loves doing a Super Friends as rival factions run into each other… And then it happens for the final battle. Predictable!
“Watching Havik talk makes me doubt how my tongue sits in my mouth.”- Havik is defeated! Story mode ends! Let’s guess what the sequel teaser will be…
- And then there isn’t one. Oh well! Now we are just ending by talking about the Lunar Remake.
Next time on Even Worse Streams: We are going to bomb rush an entire cyber funk. Please look forward to it!