Metroids 9: The Buddy System

We have three different versions of Metroid 2 available, and they all include at least one thing that is not only not seen in other versions, but never again seen in the franchise. Metroid: Samus Returns’ sin? Samus gets a little buddy.

The Baby has somehow become the second most important character in the Metroid franchise (sorry, Mother Brain). Samus met a Metroid at the end of Metroid 2, they instantly became buddies, and then she handed the kid off to some scientists. Those scientists got murdered before Samus could back out of the parking lot, so Samus spent a solid two hours tracking that Metroid across Zebes. The Metroid had been mutated into the Super Metroid during that time, and was on its way to devouring every hopper in the place. But Samus caused the big little dude to grow a conscience to match their bulbous size, and, when Mother Brain had Samus on the ropes, Super Metroid took the bullet meant for not-the-mama. While our poor baby likely could have ended their story with their life, the franchise sucked energy out of that parasite’s corpse for future entries. Metroid: Other M was a story all about Samus’s post traumatic stress over losing the kid, and Metroid Fusion saw a Samus that was saved from the X by a Metroid transfusion compliments of her pal. Metroid Dread does not directly reference the hatchling, but Sammy’s whole “I’m a metroid now, baby,” issues do trace back to that transfusion from Fusion. The most important thing that has happened in Samus Aran’s life has been happening upon a metroid egg at the exact right moment (after committing matricide).

So it makes a certain amount of sense that a remake of The Baby’s debut game would let the little tyke stretch their mandibles a bit. Once Samus defeats the Queen Metroid in Metroid: Samus Returns, she encounters the hatchling just like in Metroid 2. But the twist this time is that Samus is not limited to an ending run outside: she can take The Baby for a stroll literally anywhere on the planet. In fact, this is encouraged, as a number of late-game powerups are only available behind blocks that are (apparently) baby metroid snacks. Samus will never score 100% completion without this kid on her side. She owes the eventual Super Metroid her life a couple times over, and they were integral in nabbing a power bomb, too. Score!

But it appears Samus Aran is a solitary warrior. Even though she is clearly a friend to animals (just ask the etecoons!), Samus has not seen a companion in any later Metroid titles. Maybe it ruins her vibe? Whatever the reason, Samus has been a loner from here on out, and the hatchling is just as forgotten as that final Ridley fight.

Missing you, Baby.

Even Worse Streams Presents Metroids
Metroid: Samus Returns
Night 12

Random Notes:

• Metroid 2 Metroider: Join BEAT, fanboymaster , and myself. We have fanboymaster in the pilot’s seat for a change.
• Sidenote: fanboymaster is actually good at playing this game.
• Oh, and Cassandralyn is here, too. Now let’s talk about “weird sequels” to NES games.
• BEAT recounts a tale of laughing at muggers to reinforce that he is terrifyingly enormous.
• “Elon Musk was assigned 13 years old at birth.”
• “I’m back, and I’m still thinking about spider blood.”
• Caliscrub joins as we venture around and kill some non-piggies. Weird how nondescript the beginning of this game is…
• And Ample Vigour joins shortly thereafter.
• Ample Vigour recounts how watching his son play emulated SNES titles reminds him that “games that are fun to learn” are a recent invention.
• The Last Guardian, fanboymaster’s absolute favorite game, is dissected again.
• AJ Vark joins as BEAT recounts how Twitter’s A.I. Grok is, ya know, terrible.
• For the sake of artificial intelligence, please do not have a child on April 20th.
• “Wish I was a little bit porcine…”
• What is going through everyone’s head on stream night? “More Jilty Jear” is not an answer.
• Samus found the Varia Suit! And Macaulay Culkin is a gremlin.
• Let’s talk about Disney’s House of Mouse continuity.
• And then we break for the night after a heated Beta Metroid fight.

Even Worse Streams Presents Metroids
Metroid: Samus Returns
Night 13

Random Notes:

• Jeanie, Cassandralyn, BEAT, fanboymaster, and I are back on SR388. I am playing from last week’s save file. Fun fact: this stream is completely pointless, and you should not watch it. It has been uploaded for completionist purposes.
• Caliscrub joins as we discuss Samus’s canon age. Nobody knows!
• The story of Escaflowne: “He could have been anyone, but he was Isaac Newton.”
• Cass tells us about New Jersey brewery laws, general alcohol laws, and rhino beetle boardgames. This is all because some of these metroids vaguely look like rhino beetles. That is not a kind of pig!
• Movie trivia opposite that rolly ball monster. 2001 was a good year for original movies.
• BEAT disappears for a bit thanks to apparently being on vacation opposite the stream. What a choice!
• Which is worse? He-Man: Defender of Grayskull or Metroid: Other M?
• I cheat to overcome my natural handicap of being Goggle Bob.
• Jeanie notes that the Pokémon Violet/Scarlet DLC does not include Lopunny (because Nintendo are cowards).
• Caliscrub leaves to play The Last Blade as I am still lost and making zero progress.
• “What if you could watch a movie you hated and make it as ugly as possible?”
• How do Marines play Dungeons and Dragons? Let’s find out!
• And then we talk about Quibi, an appropriately doomed streaming service for a doomed stream.

Even Worse Streams Presents Metroids
Metroid: Samus Returns
Night 14

Random Notes:

• Now fanboymaster is back and has a new computer, so he is playing Metroid: Samus Returns again with BEAT, Jeanie, and myself. He will not be using the progress/save file I produced last week.
• Cassandralyn sneaks in like a ninja, but Jeanie notices her arrival.
• Stranger of Paradise versus Final Fantasy 16: Who wins? Which is the shitpost?
• You know what? We can talk about Final Fantasy games for, like, forever. Go figure!
• I am amazed at how often Clayfighter comes up, though.
• “Anytime you are not hunting Goggle Bob for sport, you are wasting time.” “I have objections!”
• Jeanie and I go deep into the Pokemon Scarlet/Violet lore. There are a surprising number of predestination paradoxes in this children’s game.
• And once fanboymaster makes the slightest progress past my sticking point last week, we break for the night. Next time we will see some actually new stuff!

Next time on Metroids: Let’s learn from our mistakes.