Metroids 2: Greedy Metroids

If we are looking at weird things in the Metroid franchise, Metroid II: Return of Samus is a game full of them. Right from the start of Metroid 2, it is apparent that directorial choices have been made that are unusual for a Gameboy title. Samus Aran is huge! And her world is huge, too! Despite the Metroid experience being shrunk down and washed out of color for the portable system, Metroid II did not take the easy way out and include bite-sized levels or challenges. SR388 is a full planet ready for exploration, and Samus must commit a genocide or two across its lava-filled caverns.

But here’s a fun fact: this is the only game where metroids are not going to help you destroy them.

In the original Metroid, Mother Brain requires a hitherto unprecedented number of missiles to be pumped into her eyeball/life support system. Metroid also had a complete lack of doors that were sealed by encounters. So, presumably to balance these two items, all the metroids in Metroid dropped ridiculous missile/energy refills in the runup to the big brain. You technically can leave Tourian without killing a single metroid (give or take whatever dies when the whole base explodes), but if you do that, you likely will not have the resources necessary to triumph over MB. Metroids are our greatest resource! Once they’re dead!

But Metroid II, a game where you are required to kill around 50 metroids, gives us metroids that never drop any powerups. Whether you are dealing with an alpha, gamma, zeta, or omega metroid, none of those little piggies will ever drop a single flake of energy. And the Queen Metroid? Forget about it. She is not supportive in the least. Metroids are Samus’s number one prey in SR388, but their deaths will never benefit her save maybe retracting some lava. Oh boy, more planet to explore. Ho-hum.

Metroids and bosses in Metroid (1) dropped powerups. Super Metroid had metroid (clones) drop energy, and bosses provided additional fill-ups through countering attacks. Every future 2-D Metroid title adopted this innovation, and even the 3-D Metroid Prime series was certain to include excess energy during/after boss battles. Metroid Prime 2: Echoes is arguably based on it!

But Metroid II: Return of Samus made its biggest bads a bunch of misers. No wonder no one ever visits SR388 anymore…

Even Worse Streams Presents Metroid
Night 2
Metroid II: Return of Samus

August 22, 2023

Random Notes:

• We’ve got fanboymaster, BEAT, and me discussing the infamous Metroid Prime Hunters DS Demo to start. We cannot focus on the proper portable Metroid…
• BEAT recounts how he loves widescreen versions of Gameboy games, all but foreshadowing the existence of Link’s Awakening DX Widescreen. He willed it into existence!
• Who is stronger: Vegito or Gogeta? And who cares?
• What’s your favorite dumb movie that still gets you excited? Is getting excited despite idiocy the point of movies? Is Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice any good?
• Please do not think too hard about the lore of Powerful Monster Girlfriend.
• “You realize Samus is Chozo-Noah, right?” “Well, opposite Noah.” “Bring me zero of every animal.”
• Caliscrub joins as we discuss whether Samus is attracted to boxers or birds.
• Ample Vigour arrives as we are once again talking about our favorite Aqua Teen Hunger Force moments.
• Enjoy my consternation at having zero missile drops. This may have inspired today’s feature.
• “I’m trying to think of Tank Abbott hitting on someone… And that’s… that’s it.”
• Goblin Slayer: Why can’t you be like your brother?
• “I think if you mention Other M to Nintendo, they are just like ‘what are you talking about, man?’”
• “I just need to know that some other guy jerked off to this. That’s important.”
• As we hit 14 metroids remaining, it is clearly stated that, “The post reports should include when we start talking about Dril tweets.”
• We are finally getting to the last of the metroids as we discuss Beavis & Butthead and King of the Hill having similar comedy duos.
• Bojack Horseman leads to an analysis of Disco Elysium. Alcoholism, ladies and gentlemen!
• As the first Omega Metroids appear, BEAT tells the tale of “Jerry”, an army brat that absolutely would sell military secrets to prove a point online. A conch shell may be involved.
• Even Worse Streams does not endorse relationships based on gaslighting.
• Ample Vigour leaves after a significant talk about Bojack Horseman. Only two metroids to go!
• The inexorable passage of time reminder: this was back when the Mountain Monsters podcast started.
• We are at the end game! So let’s talk about the last of the metroids.
• Wheels joins thanks to bigfoot psychic combat.
• And we are done within three hours! Woo!

Next time on Metroid: Next Monday, Even Worse Streams recaps are taking a break for some Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth content. Then, come April, it’s Super!