Today’s post is not exactly safe for children and the elderly, so please proceed at your own risk. You can’t say I didn’t warn you.
… What am I looking at here?
Is that supposed to be…?
Argh, what is even…
What about this is remotely human?
Ack.
Ahhhhh!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Nope! I’m done!
FGC #261 Spice World
- System: The disease has been contained to the Sony Playstation.
- Number of players: One. Should we be glad or insulted that Sony Europe didn’t try to wedge a two player mode in here?
- Maybe actually talk about the game for a second: This is absolutely barely a videogame at all. You may “remix” a whole five Spice Girl songs (though there are a few more songs on the disc… that I guess are just there for your listening pleasure?), and then choose a dance routine for the homunculi that are supposed to be The Spice Girls. And then you get to watch that dance routine. And… that’s it. The closest this ever gets to being a videogame is including a sorta rhythm button pressing game for the dance moves, but there is no failure state for just standing there and doing nothing. I genuinely cannot fathom the intended audience for the game. Wannabe DJs?
- Sit back and watch: There are also recorded interviews with the (real life) Spice Girls available on the game disc as well. I’m assuming this took up the majority of Spice World megabytes. And, as a special bonus, the interviews kiiinda undermine their own premise.
- Say something nice: The options menu did not make me physically ill.
- Favorite Spice Girl: Geri Halliwell aka Ginger Spice.
- Also, I’m an idiot: I did not know “ginger” was a term to describe redheads until about when that episode of South Part aired. I always assumed “ginger spice” was a spice pun with no more basis in any kind of reality than also having “Scary” Spice on the team. … Wait, was that just because everyone was racist?
- This game makes everything else worse: This is technically from the same joint development company (Psygnosis & Sony) as Alundra. I liked that game, and now I feel bad about that.
- Did you know? There were two Mels in The Spice Girls. I mean, I know a lot of people already know that, but, like, isn’t that weird? Wouldn’t you expect a pre-fab pop team to have totally separate names? Did this ever happen in the boy bands? Major oversight, there.
- Would I play again: I don’t think I’m going to recover in this lifetime.
X
What’s next? Random ROB has chosen… Final Fantasy Adventure for the Gameboy! Didn’t we already do that one? Oh, that was the remake? Okay, that’s cool. I guess. Whatever, at least this game is actually, ya know, good. Time to wield the Sword of Mana for the first time! Please look forward to it!
YOUR WARNING DID NOT SPECIFY IF IT WAS SAFE FOR WORK, SO I CLICKED ONWARD BECAUSE LUNCH BREAK.
I DEEPLY REGRET THIS CHOICE.
THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE WITH ANIMATED GIFS ARE CRIMES AND YOU ARE A CRIMINAL.
On the one hand I totally get going for a more cartoonish art style on the PlayStation, given how poorly crafted and inept most attempts at realistic graphics were at the time. This was the era where for every Soul Calibur you would get a dozen Blue Stingers.
On the other hand HOLY FUCKING HELL THOSE THINGS LOOK LIKE BRATZ VIA A 90s DiC CARTOON KILL ‘EM KILL ‘EM KILL ‘EM!!